Tuesday, December 18, 2012


Do you remember when you were a kid and you did something insanely stupid, started crying and whining, and all your parents said to you was, "Suck it up. Act like a grownup!"? Yeah... Being a grownup isn't all it's cracked up to be.

Was does it mean to be a grownup anyhow? All I have seen so far as a gain from being one of these creatures of the "grownup" clan is that I get to eat Cheetos whenever I want... On the down side, if I eat too many Cheetos, I get stupid fat super quick because my metabolism is shot to shit because I am old. Mostly, being a grownup sucks balls compared to being a kid. Yeah, you have freedom, but it comes with heavy responsibility  And by heavy I mean metric tons heavy.

I am finding myself recently running into a stage where I have to act like a grownup yet again. I say "again" because being a grown person requires many, many, many stages and occurrences in which one must "act his age" and make responsible decisions. The most recent stage of my development has come into light with the fact that I have finally graduated from college. After the ever popular and appreciated "Congratulations" come my way, the statement is inevitably followed by, "What are you going to do now?"

Well, fuck me.

The truth is...
Fuck if I know!

There are so many plans and possibilities. I could teach (barf). I could get a "real job" (double barf).
I really want to finish my book that I have been working on for the past 2 years, and hopefully will be able to sell it, and get famous, and yeah, that would be omg so awesome. But, the realist in me is always searching for that backup plan. Sure, I would LOVE for my novel to be an overnight hit, then I'll never have to get a real job and can stay in the clouds forever! YUS! I like this idea!
But... Yeah. How likely is that to happen? Honestly? It is not that I doubt my skills as a writer and storyteller. I am pretty good, I think...

But still. What do I do while I'm waiting to get famous?

I have been a bartender for 11 years now. Yes, over a damn decade. And frankly, as much as I do enjoy my job, I cannot wait to put it behind me and permanently park my ass on the bar-stool on the other side. The fact of the matter is, that while I am only 28, I'm also almost 30. I have absolutely NO desire whatsoever to still be slinging drinks post 30. So, what do I do? Work on my almost nonesistentofviableworkplaceexperience resume? Yeah, I guess. Maybe I will get lucky... I am a Literature major after all, and I graduated Magna Cum Laude. Maybe the "man" will overlook the fact that I have almost no experience in an office type setting. Now the other major issue comes to light... Money. What do you pay an entry level college grad? Diddly squat is what. Why? Just because they can. So, no matter where I go or what job I land, I will more than likely be taking a pay cut. Frak.

But, the dilemma lies in this: Do I have it in me to stick it out in the bar another year? Or am I so far at the end of my rope that I will take the plunge into a lower paying job just so I can change the pace of my life?
Achievement Unlocked: Life Dilemma.

So, you see, being a grownup is not all it is cracked up to be as when you are looking at the possibility through the rose colored glasses of a desiring child.

Every person who ever told me to "Act my Age" or "Grow the Fuck Up," I kinda wanna punch you in the junk. Thanks for the false advertisement, Dickheads.

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